The essay that I would like to revise for the mandatory revision is my last essay.  I feel like I can greatly improve on several aspects of my paper some of which include transitions.  As of this point my transitions are very rough and need more of a connector piece in order for my essay to have better flow.  Another major aspect that is missing from this essay is the ever so important so what.  Maybe I could back up many of the statements with specific studies thus presenting new evidence.  Also many of the examples seem to be geared towards advertisements via commercials.  In order to have a better argument that advertising has a very negative effect on the youth and changes societies perceptions, maybe I can include other types of advertising such as little things like product placement in movies, advertising using labels on shirts or newer techniques such as the ever so hated ads on youtube.  If I can revise these two aspects along with others I believe that I can tighten up the paper and there will be more of a so what.

Another essay that I would like to revise is my second essay.  Throughout this essay like my 4^th essay it is also missing a so what.  Maybe if I focus on the importance of the word chill, and use many other sources it will also help to further my argument.